I wish I could explain everything that I feel about this STP experience as a team leader, but that would be impossible and you would be reading this blog for a really long time. That said, I'll try to give y'all an idea of what my life has been looking like this summer!
I am not a schedule follower. I used to be a big time list maker, but now I feel like I'd rather just do stuff rather than write it down before doing it. This summer has turned me into a major league schedule follower. Every week, I need to fit in work, Bible study prep (upwards of 7 hours a week!), 1 to 1's with the three ladies on my team, our team's Bible study, a 1 to 1 with my staff person, team leader Bible study, and many hours of training and meals with the other team leaders. I also have to sleep! This is the busiest I have ever consistently been in my life, but it has been amazing! I love how God calls us to be productive and do work for Him, and He has provided me with this wonderful opportunity to do so! I am exhausted, but it is a sort of exhaustion that is full and glad. My time with my team and the other folks here is just so rewarding and fulfilling, and it has been truly amazing to see the ways God has answered prayers, given me energy, and brought my team together. I am so thankful for the women on my team, and for the other team leaders and students here that are such a support and encouragement to me. My work situation has been really difficult, but God has placed wonderful, encouraging people in my path this summer to help me to see the ways I can rejoice even in my suffering and strife.
I never thought being a team leader would be so hard! But it's a good kind of hard! I've completely loved spending time with my team, really getting to know these women, and encouraging them in their walks with the Lord. Actually the hardest thing about the summer has been making myself get time alone to prepare Bible study and have some Kathryn time. I love all the people here so much that it's hard for me to say "no!" when folks want to go to Sonic for happy hour or forgo a game of Banana grams so that I can be alone to keep my sanity.
We have three weeks left, and I really covet your prayers as my team continues to live life together and grow in our relationships with God and each other. Some of the girls on my team have had a cool opportunity to potentially hang out with a girl they work with, so I'm praying that would turn into a ministry opportunity for them! It has been really neat to see them grow in a desire to share the Lord with the people around them. I LOVE IT! Pray for all of us!
Thank you all so much for your prayers and support. I am so blessed!!
Monday, July 11, 2011
Saturday, June 25, 2011
A bit late...
Whoops, it's been a while since I've been able to update! Clearly, I've been very busy indeed, and the internet at the Hot Pig (which is what we call Hotel Pigeon Forge) is not necessarily up to par. I've a rough past couple days, so I thought I would list some things that have been encouraging or funny lately.
1. An old man called me "Granny" yesterday as I was leaving Dollywood in an attempt to cheer me up.
2. In my endeavors babysitting for the Hamiltons (some folks on staff with the Navs) I discovered the hard way that changing a baby boy's diaper is a skill and a warzone, and you have to be ready for anything that comes your way. Literally.
3. We had a square dance in a hot gym with little AC, and I was wearing way too many clothes, but I found that if I am sweating in any situation, the boys around me are sweating exponentially more.
4. I have learned that the treasure I have laid up for me with Christ is always going to be more encouraging than however discouraging a mean woman who may or may not work with me at Dollywood can be.
5. My team is so cool. We are women who are learning to love one another and care for and pray for one another. I have found that I can tell them when I am sad or discouraged and I don't have to have it all together because I am their leader. I had a rough day yesterday and I told them about it and they pointed me towards the Scripture. We have had hard conversations and good conversations and we have laughed so very much, and the Lord is just so at work on our relationships. He is answering prayers on top of prayers that I have for these women and our team, and it is sweet to experience.
6. Another old man at Dollywood told me that I have "beautiful eyes" and that I should always wear my blue dress to match them. Unfortunately, it is the 21st century, and I will not be wearing my blue dress outside of Dollywood often.
7. My parents are great and have sent me two cards with dogs on them, and various other things. People at the program probably think that I am unstable because I always cry when I receive these in the mail.
8. God has answered some prayers for me, like, INSTANTANEOUSLY. Seriously.
9. The people that I worked with last year really miss me this summer, and have told me multiple times how much they wish I was still working with them at Miss Lillian's (I am at another restaurant in Dollywood this year). It makes me really sad when they tell me this, and of course I usually cry, but it is really encouraging to know that I was able to impact them and I know it was Christ in me, and not anything that I did, necessarily. That gives me hope for my work situation this year.
10. I have discovered a new game, Banana Grams, and I am good at it. And that makes me happy. I love words.
And that is the end!
1. An old man called me "Granny" yesterday as I was leaving Dollywood in an attempt to cheer me up.
2. In my endeavors babysitting for the Hamiltons (some folks on staff with the Navs) I discovered the hard way that changing a baby boy's diaper is a skill and a warzone, and you have to be ready for anything that comes your way. Literally.
3. We had a square dance in a hot gym with little AC, and I was wearing way too many clothes, but I found that if I am sweating in any situation, the boys around me are sweating exponentially more.
4. I have learned that the treasure I have laid up for me with Christ is always going to be more encouraging than however discouraging a mean woman who may or may not work with me at Dollywood can be.
5. My team is so cool. We are women who are learning to love one another and care for and pray for one another. I have found that I can tell them when I am sad or discouraged and I don't have to have it all together because I am their leader. I had a rough day yesterday and I told them about it and they pointed me towards the Scripture. We have had hard conversations and good conversations and we have laughed so very much, and the Lord is just so at work on our relationships. He is answering prayers on top of prayers that I have for these women and our team, and it is sweet to experience.
6. Another old man at Dollywood told me that I have "beautiful eyes" and that I should always wear my blue dress to match them. Unfortunately, it is the 21st century, and I will not be wearing my blue dress outside of Dollywood often.
7. My parents are great and have sent me two cards with dogs on them, and various other things. People at the program probably think that I am unstable because I always cry when I receive these in the mail.
8. God has answered some prayers for me, like, INSTANTANEOUSLY. Seriously.
9. The people that I worked with last year really miss me this summer, and have told me multiple times how much they wish I was still working with them at Miss Lillian's (I am at another restaurant in Dollywood this year). It makes me really sad when they tell me this, and of course I usually cry, but it is really encouraging to know that I was able to impact them and I know it was Christ in me, and not anything that I did, necessarily. That gives me hope for my work situation this year.
10. I have discovered a new game, Banana Grams, and I am good at it. And that makes me happy. I love words.
And that is the end!
Friday, June 10, 2011
You hold my lot.
I've been here for ten days. Tomorrow is one week for our team members. It has been a VERY full week, full of unexpected circumstances, confusion, struggle, laughter, new friendships, tears, and joy. God has thrown some things my way that I never would have expected I would have to deal with, and He has provided a way of escape, as well. One thing I have really taken to heart this week is that even though I am faithless, He remains faithful. He has designated every drop that goes into my cup, whether I think it belongs there or not, and it overflows. I don't always understand why I have to make certain decisions or get put in hard situations, but I know that trusting in Him to deliver me is the only way I can grow and be full. I have seen God answer prayers in ridiculous ways this week, and it makes me excited to see what the summer is going to look like. I love it.
My team is AWESOME. Jazz, Allie, Debbie and I get along really well, and even though we're all pretty different, we have Christ in common and that is something wonderful. We decided that for our team name, we are Anchored. We were making button rings out of some buttons I brought from my mom's accumulation over the years, and somebody noticed that several of the buttons had anchors on them. We all made a ring with an anchor button and remembered the verses in Hebrews 6 that talk about the hope of Christ being a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf. We have had some really valuable time together and it is so encouraging to see us growing closer, more vulnerable, and more comfortable with each other as we have fun, pray, study the Bible, and just live life together.
I am so thankful for the blessings that God has placed before me, and I am in awe of the enormity of His love for all of His children. One thing that I have been praying about lately is just that, Lord, I am so overwhelmed with things to do and people to see and work and all of this stuff, but mostly I am overwhelmed at Your abundant love for me.
The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup;
you hold my lot.
The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance...
You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
Psalm 16:5-6, 11
My team is AWESOME. Jazz, Allie, Debbie and I get along really well, and even though we're all pretty different, we have Christ in common and that is something wonderful. We decided that for our team name, we are Anchored. We were making button rings out of some buttons I brought from my mom's accumulation over the years, and somebody noticed that several of the buttons had anchors on them. We all made a ring with an anchor button and remembered the verses in Hebrews 6 that talk about the hope of Christ being a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf. We have had some really valuable time together and it is so encouraging to see us growing closer, more vulnerable, and more comfortable with each other as we have fun, pray, study the Bible, and just live life together.
I am so thankful for the blessings that God has placed before me, and I am in awe of the enormity of His love for all of His children. One thing that I have been praying about lately is just that, Lord, I am so overwhelmed with things to do and people to see and work and all of this stuff, but mostly I am overwhelmed at Your abundant love for me.
The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup;
you hold my lot.
The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance...
You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
Psalm 16:5-6, 11
Friday, June 3, 2011
I'm here!
WOW. I mean, WOW. I have been in Pigeon Forge for 4 1/2 days now and it has been going non-stop nearly the WHOLE time. It's been amazing to meet the other team leaders and form a tight community with them these days before the team members get here. I have only spent the last 4 days with these people, but I feel like I have known them for weeks already. It is amazing how tightly bonds can form when your relationships are founded on the Word and a relationship and love for Jesus. I already know that the women who I have been living with for mere days are going to be serious supports and rocks for me this summer, and hopefully I will be the same for them, as we all strive to be honorable vessels, encouragers, and challengers of our teams. We are all absolutely dying for the team members to get here, but I am also really cherishing this time to spend with them and get to know them. It is so encouraging for me to know that, whenever I get overwhelmed, there is a girl on my right and on my left that knows and is experiencing all of the same fears and anxieties that I am. The time spent here has been so amazing, so overwhelming, so stretching, and so exciting, and the summer has hardly even started!
Tonight we spent time doing evangelism in Gatlinburg, and it was amazing to see how God answers prayers. Any time that I have shared "the bridge" (an illustration involving Romans 6:23 that helps explain our faith pretty entirely) I have always shared with someone who is already a believer. That has been encouraging, because I usually get really good feedback and I have seen the folks receive inspiration and encouragement from me, but it hasn't been challenging. Every time I go out, I pray beforehand that I would approach someone who doesn't know Jesus, so that I might be able to share the most amazing news with them that they may not already know. Tonight, that prayer was answered. I spoke with a woman named Vicki who had a lot of spunk and not a lot of Jesus in her life. We had a good, firey conversation in which we got a long pretty well but she definitely gave me a hard time. Ater I convinced her that I wasn't taking her anywhere or charging her money, and that I would only take ten minutes of her time, I began to explain Christ's sacrifice for us. She hated answering my questions and was clearly uncomfortable, but I tried to act casual and easy going and I think she started to feel a little more at ease. When I finished, I asked her if she was on the side with God, or if she was walking by herself. She definitely knew that the side she wanted to be on was with God, but she wouldn't say that was where she was. She was not a believer in Christ, but she "believed." I explained to her about my relationship with God and how I knew that He loved me enough to give me free will, but also to give me a way out of the hole I've dug with my sin. It was a SWEET conversation and I was so encouraged to know that I could feel the peace of God, the confidence I have in Him, while being challenged in a very real way. God is good!
Our team members get here tomorrow, and I feel very overwhelmed but incredibly excited, as well. I am so not ready, but I guess I will have to be!! Please pray for Jasmine, Deborah, and Allie (the girls on my team!). It's about to go down!
Also pray for me. That would be great.
If you want my address here, it is:
Hotel Pigeon Forge
c/o Navigator STP
Kathryn Chandler
2179 Parkway
Pigeon Forge, TN 37863
Tonight we spent time doing evangelism in Gatlinburg, and it was amazing to see how God answers prayers. Any time that I have shared "the bridge" (an illustration involving Romans 6:23 that helps explain our faith pretty entirely) I have always shared with someone who is already a believer. That has been encouraging, because I usually get really good feedback and I have seen the folks receive inspiration and encouragement from me, but it hasn't been challenging. Every time I go out, I pray beforehand that I would approach someone who doesn't know Jesus, so that I might be able to share the most amazing news with them that they may not already know. Tonight, that prayer was answered. I spoke with a woman named Vicki who had a lot of spunk and not a lot of Jesus in her life. We had a good, firey conversation in which we got a long pretty well but she definitely gave me a hard time. Ater I convinced her that I wasn't taking her anywhere or charging her money, and that I would only take ten minutes of her time, I began to explain Christ's sacrifice for us. She hated answering my questions and was clearly uncomfortable, but I tried to act casual and easy going and I think she started to feel a little more at ease. When I finished, I asked her if she was on the side with God, or if she was walking by herself. She definitely knew that the side she wanted to be on was with God, but she wouldn't say that was where she was. She was not a believer in Christ, but she "believed." I explained to her about my relationship with God and how I knew that He loved me enough to give me free will, but also to give me a way out of the hole I've dug with my sin. It was a SWEET conversation and I was so encouraged to know that I could feel the peace of God, the confidence I have in Him, while being challenged in a very real way. God is good!
Our team members get here tomorrow, and I feel very overwhelmed but incredibly excited, as well. I am so not ready, but I guess I will have to be!! Please pray for Jasmine, Deborah, and Allie (the girls on my team!). It's about to go down!
Also pray for me. That would be great.
If you want my address here, it is:
Hotel Pigeon Forge
c/o Navigator STP
Kathryn Chandler
2179 Parkway
Pigeon Forge, TN 37863
Friday, May 27, 2011
packing.
Let me tell you, packing for ten weeks is kind of a big deal. For some reason I've been procrastinating, and I'm starting to get overwhelmed. I had to take off my cardigan. Yeah, it's that serious. I've been going for about three hours now, and I have a deadline in an hour, so I gotta move! But of course, here I am, procrastinating even more by telling y'all how overwhelmed I am. It's a vicious cycle.
Organization is not one of my spiritual gifts, I'm here to tell you.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
a hammock, isaiah 55, and sufjan
"6 Seek the Lord while he may be found;
call upon him while he is near;
7 let the wicked forsake his way,
and the unrighteous man his thoughts;
let him return to the Lord, that he may have compassion on him,
and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.
8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
10 For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven
and do not return there but water the earth,
making it bring forth and sprout,
giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater,
11 so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth;
it shall not return to me empty,
but it shall accomplish that which I purpose,
and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.
12 For you shall go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and the hills before you
shall break forth into singing,
and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.
13 Instead of the thorn shall come up the cypress;
instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle;
and it shall make a name for the Lord,
an everlasting sign that shall not be cut off."
call upon him while he is near;
7 let the wicked forsake his way,
and the unrighteous man his thoughts;
let him return to the Lord, that he may have compassion on him,
and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.
8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
10 For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven
and do not return there but water the earth,
making it bring forth and sprout,
giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater,
11 so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth;
it shall not return to me empty,
but it shall accomplish that which I purpose,
and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.
12 For you shall go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and the hills before you
shall break forth into singing,
and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.
13 Instead of the thorn shall come up the cypress;
instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle;
and it shall make a name for the Lord,
an everlasting sign that shall not be cut off."
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
philippians two: three
Well, I am leaving for the summer the day after tomorrow. HOLY TOLEDO! I am not ready! I have so much stuff to do before I leave on Friday (I'm going to Chattanooga for the weekend and then straight to Knoxville and on to Pigeon Forge on Monday!) I have so much unpacking, packing, organizing, list making, creating, and planning to do, I don't know how I will ever get it done! It amazing to think that this time has come, and I couldn't be happier or more hopeful/excited about what is in store for this summer.
I've been imagining what this summer would look like for so many months, and it seems like God has different plans than what I have been banking on. THAT excites me. Any time I try to plan out what a certain adventure or experience is going to be like, God throws me a fast one and makes it completely different- sometimes easier, sometimes harder, but always incomparably BETTER than I ever could have thought up on my own, and I know that He will do the same for the next two months.
It's comforting for me to know that whatever hardships I face this summer will be part of God's plan. Whatever hilariously fun times will be a part of God's plan. Whatever struggles, tears, laughter, relationships, pain, and joy I experience will all be part of His plan, and I have the choice to lean on Him through all of it, or depend on myself. Right now it's easy for me to say, of course I will choose to lean on Him. If you love me, please pray for me that this summer I will choose to lean on Him, follow Him, take joy in His plans, and love in the way that Christ shows me to love. A big verse I've been thinking about is Philippians 2:3...
"Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves."
I am just here to tell you, that is like, THE hardest thing to do! Jean Piaget, one of the major child cognitive development theorists and someone I have spent a lot of time studying in school, says that in the preoperational stage, when children are between the ages of 2-7, they are completely ego-centric. This doesn't mean that they have a huge ego (and don't even get me started on Freud). It means that they can't take others' perspectives. Everything a child experiences during these ages is seen as it relates to him. If something is hard for him, he expects it is hard for everyone else. If it makes him mad, it most assuredly must make everyone else mad, too. Sometimes I am convinced that I am stuck in the preoperational stage. How often do I even try to understand what is going on in other people's lives, minds, or hearts? Not very. It's a joke between my friends that I always say, "I can't relate. I can't relate to them, so I don't understand them."
What a poor outlook on life.
I've prayed a lot for my team this summer, but my prayer for myself is that I will learn how to count others more significant than myself. I want to get out of the preoperational stage and move on! I want to be someone who can listen, understand, encourage, challenge, exhort, and help others to train in righteousness! The Word of the Lord is profitable for all of these things (or so I'm told in 2 Timothy) and I am definitely equipped with that! Prayer is key.
I've been imagining what this summer would look like for so many months, and it seems like God has different plans than what I have been banking on. THAT excites me. Any time I try to plan out what a certain adventure or experience is going to be like, God throws me a fast one and makes it completely different- sometimes easier, sometimes harder, but always incomparably BETTER than I ever could have thought up on my own, and I know that He will do the same for the next two months.
It's comforting for me to know that whatever hardships I face this summer will be part of God's plan. Whatever hilariously fun times will be a part of God's plan. Whatever struggles, tears, laughter, relationships, pain, and joy I experience will all be part of His plan, and I have the choice to lean on Him through all of it, or depend on myself. Right now it's easy for me to say, of course I will choose to lean on Him. If you love me, please pray for me that this summer I will choose to lean on Him, follow Him, take joy in His plans, and love in the way that Christ shows me to love. A big verse I've been thinking about is Philippians 2:3...
"Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves."
I am just here to tell you, that is like, THE hardest thing to do! Jean Piaget, one of the major child cognitive development theorists and someone I have spent a lot of time studying in school, says that in the preoperational stage, when children are between the ages of 2-7, they are completely ego-centric. This doesn't mean that they have a huge ego (and don't even get me started on Freud). It means that they can't take others' perspectives. Everything a child experiences during these ages is seen as it relates to him. If something is hard for him, he expects it is hard for everyone else. If it makes him mad, it most assuredly must make everyone else mad, too. Sometimes I am convinced that I am stuck in the preoperational stage. How often do I even try to understand what is going on in other people's lives, minds, or hearts? Not very. It's a joke between my friends that I always say, "I can't relate. I can't relate to them, so I don't understand them."
What a poor outlook on life.
I've prayed a lot for my team this summer, but my prayer for myself is that I will learn how to count others more significant than myself. I want to get out of the preoperational stage and move on! I want to be someone who can listen, understand, encourage, challenge, exhort, and help others to train in righteousness! The Word of the Lord is profitable for all of these things (or so I'm told in 2 Timothy) and I am definitely equipped with that! Prayer is key.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
chillaxin.
Summa summa summa tiime.
I am not engaged. I feel like everybody else is. What's that about?
Disclaimer: I don't want to be engaged.
I love being home. I love chillin' out, maxin', relaxin' with my mom and sister all day, and we have done some serious chilling. My sweet Mama has taken off work for this week that my sister and I are both home, and we've got three dogs, lots of shopping, cooking, Prison Break, and Gold's gym to keep us busy. It's been great (although FREEZING, what is this, winter??), and I am really enjoying spending time doing a lot of chill nothing before I get ready to be going a mile a minute in just two short weeks. God's got me in a season of waiting, as usual, but I am so thankful that my life is so joyful and fun while I am waiting. Sometimes I worry that I spend so much time in seasons of waiting that I forget that I'm living in that waiting. Even though I'm not doing a lot of anything, I am appreciating my living. Living is so cool.
Friday, May 13, 2011
FREEEDOOOMMMM!!! (kind of like braveheart...)
I am DONE with school for a good little bit, and now on to bigger and better things! I am so excited about my summer, and even more excited for what God is going to be doing in a lot of people's lives this summer. I can't WAIT to get to Pigeon Forge and get going in the groove of things as a team leader at STP! I am definitely preparing myself for one of the hardest summers of my life, but I trust that God is good and He wants the best for me, so I am ready to take on anything He throws my way (with His help, of course).
Yesterday I had one of those moments where I was hanging out with God and I got super excited about who He is. Usually when these things happen, I feel like I'm going to burst, and weigh my options about the social acceptableness of me breaking out into song. I was sitting in Starbucks and there were several high school students around me studying for their finals, so I resisted. But I worshipped God in my heart for sure. Take time to think back on just the last nine months of your life. What did you see God do in your life, or in the lives of people you love? I was reflecting on my junior year of college, and God is just so huge and so good and so great, I will never EVER deserve His love! There is nothing I will ever do that will justify His love for me, but I know that He will never stop loving me either, and that's apparent in my life. Some names for God that were really sticking out to me were:
Yesterday I had one of those moments where I was hanging out with God and I got super excited about who He is. Usually when these things happen, I feel like I'm going to burst, and weigh my options about the social acceptableness of me breaking out into song. I was sitting in Starbucks and there were several high school students around me studying for their finals, so I resisted. But I worshipped God in my heart for sure. Take time to think back on just the last nine months of your life. What did you see God do in your life, or in the lives of people you love? I was reflecting on my junior year of college, and God is just so huge and so good and so great, I will never EVER deserve His love! There is nothing I will ever do that will justify His love for me, but I know that He will never stop loving me either, and that's apparent in my life. Some names for God that were really sticking out to me were:
Father
Friend
Teacher
Healer
Planner
Keeper
Giver
Lover
Shepherd
King
Being a child of God is such a special thing. "Such knowledge is too wonderful for me. It is high; I cannot attain it." Psalm 139:6
I'm home, and I love it. I've got my Millie and my mom and dad and my sleeping late but still being productive. And I have time to get ready for STP! Yesterday I worked on making some stuff for my team, whoever they might be!
I made them some headbands. I think they're pretty cute. I am really praying for these girls. I'm praying for closeness, vulnerability, teachability, laughter, love, and friendship for my team as a whole. I'm praying for transformation, growth, and truly an experience of who God is for each girl individually.
Please join in me doing the same!
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
You got me from the get go...
Studying for finals. One test down, two to go, and some more stuff. This is the music in my head. I love Michael Castro. This song reminds me of...
Galatians 2:20
I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me, and the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave Himself for me.
Monday, May 2, 2011
I kissed dating goodbye...
So, last week was my birthday, and in the midst of all the weather and stress I wasn't able to think about something that came to a close on that day. For the past 9 months I've been doing something that a lot of people probably think is rather weird, but I "haven't been dating." Whenever I explain this to people, I always mention that I probably wouldn't have dated anyone anyway, which is true, but I think the biggest part of it is that I also haven't been focusing on potentially dating or wanting to date someone, etc.
As a Christian girl in the South, there is kind of a lot of pressure to find someone to marry! I'm 22 years old, and I've spent much of my college career looking for a man that I could start dating so that after a few years we could get engaged and then after a few months we could get married and live happily ever after. I haven't been successful in that quest. I would say that contentment in singleness is something that 93% of girls in my station in life struggle with, and understandably so. I decided, when I came home from STP last summer, that I really did not need to be focusing on guys. The Lord has so much of His work for us to do, and stressing over boys did not tie into me living my life for God. So, one day approximately 9 months ago, He and I decided that I would focus on what it means that I am the bride of Christ and that THAT very fact is enough for me to be more than content for the rest of my life.
When I decided this, back in July, I admit that I didn't actually think that anything would come of it. As usual for me, I thought I knew in advance what God would teach me. I didn't believe that He would actually change my heart through this, but He totally did. I LOVE when that happens.
There were a few verses that I memorized on the topic:
Isaiah 54:5 "For your Maker is your Husband, the Lord of hosts is His name, the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth He is called."
Isaiah 61:10 "I will greatly rejoice in the Lord; my soul shall exult in my God, for He has clothed me with the garments of salvation; He has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself as a priest with a beautiful headdress, and as a bride adorns herself with jewels."
Psalm 73:26 "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
And then like, all of Psalm 139- I just memorized the whole thing! It's such a good one.
Well, a few months in, I realized that God did change me, and He was doing a work in me, and I found myself content with my life. If He is God of the whole earth, the Maker of everything including me and every part of me, then I should say that He knows how to be the lover of my soul better than any human man could ever do! He is my strength and my portion forever. My nine months is up, and I'm actually kind of sad about it. I think the next step for me would now actually be to get to where I would be ok with letting someone into my life to date! My relationship with God this year has been full of ups and downs, but ultimately, my Maker is my Husband and I am a-o-k with that. Who knows what this next year will bring, but I know that I don't need anyone besides the Lord to tell me that I am beautiful, worthy, loved, precious, and created EXACTLY the way I was supposed to be. God is so good- let Him change your heart!
As a Christian girl in the South, there is kind of a lot of pressure to find someone to marry! I'm 22 years old, and I've spent much of my college career looking for a man that I could start dating so that after a few years we could get engaged and then after a few months we could get married and live happily ever after. I haven't been successful in that quest. I would say that contentment in singleness is something that 93% of girls in my station in life struggle with, and understandably so. I decided, when I came home from STP last summer, that I really did not need to be focusing on guys. The Lord has so much of His work for us to do, and stressing over boys did not tie into me living my life for God. So, one day approximately 9 months ago, He and I decided that I would focus on what it means that I am the bride of Christ and that THAT very fact is enough for me to be more than content for the rest of my life.
When I decided this, back in July, I admit that I didn't actually think that anything would come of it. As usual for me, I thought I knew in advance what God would teach me. I didn't believe that He would actually change my heart through this, but He totally did. I LOVE when that happens.
There were a few verses that I memorized on the topic:
Isaiah 54:5 "For your Maker is your Husband, the Lord of hosts is His name, the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth He is called."
Isaiah 61:10 "I will greatly rejoice in the Lord; my soul shall exult in my God, for He has clothed me with the garments of salvation; He has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself as a priest with a beautiful headdress, and as a bride adorns herself with jewels."
Psalm 73:26 "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
And then like, all of Psalm 139- I just memorized the whole thing! It's such a good one.
Well, a few months in, I realized that God did change me, and He was doing a work in me, and I found myself content with my life. If He is God of the whole earth, the Maker of everything including me and every part of me, then I should say that He knows how to be the lover of my soul better than any human man could ever do! He is my strength and my portion forever. My nine months is up, and I'm actually kind of sad about it. I think the next step for me would now actually be to get to where I would be ok with letting someone into my life to date! My relationship with God this year has been full of ups and downs, but ultimately, my Maker is my Husband and I am a-o-k with that. Who knows what this next year will bring, but I know that I don't need anyone besides the Lord to tell me that I am beautiful, worthy, loved, precious, and created EXACTLY the way I was supposed to be. God is so good- let Him change your heart!
Friday, April 29, 2011
babies.
I have always been one to say that I do not want children ANY time soon. It's been a long running joke among my friends that I will wait as long as possible before I start having kids, so you definitely won't see me in a family way until I'm about 35. Lately, this feeling has changed.
I still don't want to have children very soon, but I have this new found love for babies. Last semester I worked in a classroom of infants and went from knowing absolutely nothing about them and having zero experience, to becoming a baby master (that is not true, but I did learn a lot and became very comfortable and capable). I'm babysitting a 5 month old tonight and I love her, and I hardly know her. She spent most of the evening crying and throwing up on me, but I still love her and she isn't even my baby. A couple weeks ago I babysat the Hamilton's kids with Molly, and I seriously considered stealing Caedmon away from them and keeping him for myself.
Babies love you, and hold your hand, and smile and laugh and cry. Many people are afraid of them, because they can't talk or tell you what is wrong. I am not afraid! I think they communicate better than most humans do. They let you know how they feel, without holding back. They are great. And they are miracles.
Oh man, I love babies.
I still don't want to have children very soon, but I have this new found love for babies. Last semester I worked in a classroom of infants and went from knowing absolutely nothing about them and having zero experience, to becoming a baby master (that is not true, but I did learn a lot and became very comfortable and capable). I'm babysitting a 5 month old tonight and I love her, and I hardly know her. She spent most of the evening crying and throwing up on me, but I still love her and she isn't even my baby. A couple weeks ago I babysat the Hamilton's kids with Molly, and I seriously considered stealing Caedmon away from them and keeping him for myself.
Babies love you, and hold your hand, and smile and laugh and cry. Many people are afraid of them, because they can't talk or tell you what is wrong. I am not afraid! I think they communicate better than most humans do. They let you know how they feel, without holding back. They are great. And they are miracles.
Oh man, I love babies.
birthday.
Yesterday was my birthday, April 27th, which is my favorite day of the year. I love it more than other holidays because it is a day that doesn't belong to anyone else (except for people who were also born on that day, but I don't know them). I love celebrating Christ's birth and resurrection on those holidays, but I celebrate those things everyday with the freedom I have in Jesus. I don't need special days to celebrate Christ. I kind of do need a special day to celebrate myself. It was a great day, and I was made aware of how loved and blessed I am by the people in my life, as I am every year. But it was also a sad day.
On the way to dessert at the Melting Pot we got trapped in an intense hail storm under a green sky and several tornado warnings. We sought shelter under an overhang while we decided how best to get safely home. I thought our weather was bad. I was definitely afraid of potential tornadoes affecting us at the wig wam, and was terribly sad to find that Effie had suffered some intense hail damage, along with my roommates' cars. The parking lot of the Woodlands was a disaster zone, the damage done by winds and hail was crazy, and I thought it was bad.
I had no idea of what was going on in the rest of the south until we got home and turned on the news, fearful for our safety. Terror and sadness filled my heart as I heard about a mile wide tornado that barreled through Tuscaloosa, along with many other tornadoes in several states across the south. Over 300 people died on April 27, 2011, and there was nothing that could be done. Yes, it would have been great if these people could have had basements or storm shelters, but ultimately, these forces of nature were unstoppable. I am praising the Lord that everyone I know that experienced these storms is alive and well, and I'm in awe of His mercy and grace.
God is powerful. His love is powerful, His Creation is powerful, and His power is unstoppable. I feel so many emotions as I am in awe of this power, thankful for His provision in keeping the people I love under the shelter of His wings, yet hurting for those who are experiencing so much loss and devastation.
It's so hard not knowing the answers for everything, and it's definitely a process trusting God through things that seem impossible, but I cling to what I know, and that is that I am blessed and I see His power in the good on a daily basis. We aren't entitled to life here on earth. God has given us life, and that is a blessing every single day. So I celebrate, I cry, and I praise God through it all, because I know that He is good.
On the way to dessert at the Melting Pot we got trapped in an intense hail storm under a green sky and several tornado warnings. We sought shelter under an overhang while we decided how best to get safely home. I thought our weather was bad. I was definitely afraid of potential tornadoes affecting us at the wig wam, and was terribly sad to find that Effie had suffered some intense hail damage, along with my roommates' cars. The parking lot of the Woodlands was a disaster zone, the damage done by winds and hail was crazy, and I thought it was bad.
I had no idea of what was going on in the rest of the south until we got home and turned on the news, fearful for our safety. Terror and sadness filled my heart as I heard about a mile wide tornado that barreled through Tuscaloosa, along with many other tornadoes in several states across the south. Over 300 people died on April 27, 2011, and there was nothing that could be done. Yes, it would have been great if these people could have had basements or storm shelters, but ultimately, these forces of nature were unstoppable. I am praising the Lord that everyone I know that experienced these storms is alive and well, and I'm in awe of His mercy and grace.
God is powerful. His love is powerful, His Creation is powerful, and His power is unstoppable. I feel so many emotions as I am in awe of this power, thankful for His provision in keeping the people I love under the shelter of His wings, yet hurting for those who are experiencing so much loss and devastation.
It's so hard not knowing the answers for everything, and it's definitely a process trusting God through things that seem impossible, but I cling to what I know, and that is that I am blessed and I see His power in the good on a daily basis. We aren't entitled to life here on earth. God has given us life, and that is a blessing every single day. So I celebrate, I cry, and I praise God through it all, because I know that He is good.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
LOVE
Today, my time in the Word was pretty sweet. I am home, and I absolutely love being home. One of the best things about it (other than my family and my great dog, Millie) is that we live on this beautiful river and our back yard is awesome. I decided to go for a canoe ride to have my quiet time this afternoon, and it was a pretty great idea, if I do say so myself.
As I was sitting there in the canoe, taking in the beauty of Creation around me, listening to music that has moved me in so many ways, and having spent the last 24 hours with people I really love, I realized that all of these wonderful things are nothing compared to what it will be like in heaven. We have no idea how awesome it is going to be. And, even greater, we actually get to GO. And the reason we get to go is because of Jesus.
Incidentally (which we all know is not actually incidental because God is freaking sweet and plans cool stuff like this), I ended the book of Mark today, which tells the story of Jesus's death and resurrection. How cool that it just happens to be on the day before Easter? I was reading the story and really thinking about how, because of what I was reading, I am able to spend an eternity in heaven, which is far greater than anything I have ever experienced or could imagine. I was so struck with the question of, 'Why???' Why did Jesus die for me? I sit among the scoffers and beaters and throng that yelled, "Crucify him!" and yet, He died for me. I almost can't handle the hugeness of that. I have never been able to understand why. Why is my life so great? Why am I so blessed? Why does God love me? Why do I get to be a part of this Kingdom, and an eternity of bliss? I don't get it, and the only explanation is Love.
Jesus loves is in a way that we will never understand, never realize, and never come close to achieving ourselves. His love for us so far from anything that we could ever give to anyone, yet He gives it to us in completely selfless, unconditional, abounding ways.
This is what Easter is about. It is about Love.
Love so amazing, so divine, demands my soul, my life, my all.
As I was sitting there in the canoe, taking in the beauty of Creation around me, listening to music that has moved me in so many ways, and having spent the last 24 hours with people I really love, I realized that all of these wonderful things are nothing compared to what it will be like in heaven. We have no idea how awesome it is going to be. And, even greater, we actually get to GO. And the reason we get to go is because of Jesus.
Incidentally (which we all know is not actually incidental because God is freaking sweet and plans cool stuff like this), I ended the book of Mark today, which tells the story of Jesus's death and resurrection. How cool that it just happens to be on the day before Easter? I was reading the story and really thinking about how, because of what I was reading, I am able to spend an eternity in heaven, which is far greater than anything I have ever experienced or could imagine. I was so struck with the question of, 'Why???' Why did Jesus die for me? I sit among the scoffers and beaters and throng that yelled, "Crucify him!" and yet, He died for me. I almost can't handle the hugeness of that. I have never been able to understand why. Why is my life so great? Why am I so blessed? Why does God love me? Why do I get to be a part of this Kingdom, and an eternity of bliss? I don't get it, and the only explanation is Love.
Jesus loves is in a way that we will never understand, never realize, and never come close to achieving ourselves. His love for us so far from anything that we could ever give to anyone, yet He gives it to us in completely selfless, unconditional, abounding ways.
This is what Easter is about. It is about Love.
Love so amazing, so divine, demands my soul, my life, my all.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
tuesday.
I am encouraged today. Tuesdays are long days for me and I am usually exhausted, irritated and ready to do nothing by the time I get home, but the past couple weeks God has given me a lot of joy on Tuesdays. I am encouraged by this. We ended our studies of Galatians in our b studs tonight, and I love that I can see the areas I've grown because of this Word. I pray that I can carry this with me. If you are reading this and you haven't studied or read Galatians, go do it. It has the power to change your life.
"For the one who sows to her own flesh will reap from the flesh corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up." Galatians 6:8-9
"For the one who sows to her own flesh will reap from the flesh corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up." Galatians 6:8-9
Monday, April 18, 2011
gee whiz.
In my behavioral psychology class this morning, we watched a video about cognitive mapping and capabilities in animals, and it was ridiculous. We watched about this lark that lives in the Grand Canyon that collects pine nuts in the warm months and buries them in the ground to save up for winter. The thing is, this bird hides like, 33,000 pine nuts over thousands of square miles, and it is able to remember where it hid 90% of the nuts! months later! and it's looking for them in the snow!
Another segment of the video showed this woman literally conversing with a parrot. She had a bunch of little balls made out of different materials, and she would ask the parrot, "Alex, how many yellow, wool balls are there?" The bird would look around and then respond with the answer! She could ask him in many different ways and he would understand, count, and then answer. Amazing! and then the bird would ask if he could go eat. No joke.
Then, there was a chimpanzee who was told to count apples in one bin and oranges in another, and then add them up and go touch the total number on a computer screen. He not only understood the command but he went and counted and added and got it right. No big deal. Ridiculous!
Lastly, there was a segment on pigeons. I hate pigeons, but this was pretty sweet. So, they showed a pigeon a series of pictures, and he learned that if he pecked the pictures of trees, he would get food, but he wouldn't get food pecking any of the other pictures. That's pretty cool, but not shocking. They decided to step it up a notch. They showed the pigeon pictures of artwork, and he learned that pecking paintings by Picasso would get him food, while paintings by Monet would not. What in the world??
I was sitting there watching this with my jaw to the floor with the rest of my class, and I was thinking about Genesis. God gave us dominion over all the animals and He blessed us, not them (Gen 1:28). If these creatures that He didn't even bless are capable of these ridiculous things, imagine what we can do! We were created to have relationship with Him, and that is what we have! The sky is the limit for us. What a blessing that is! I was just overcome with that this morning.
I was also overcome when, on my way to school this morning, I found that somehow a bird has managed to poop INSIDE my car.
Another segment of the video showed this woman literally conversing with a parrot. She had a bunch of little balls made out of different materials, and she would ask the parrot, "Alex, how many yellow, wool balls are there?" The bird would look around and then respond with the answer! She could ask him in many different ways and he would understand, count, and then answer. Amazing! and then the bird would ask if he could go eat. No joke.
Then, there was a chimpanzee who was told to count apples in one bin and oranges in another, and then add them up and go touch the total number on a computer screen. He not only understood the command but he went and counted and added and got it right. No big deal. Ridiculous!
Lastly, there was a segment on pigeons. I hate pigeons, but this was pretty sweet. So, they showed a pigeon a series of pictures, and he learned that if he pecked the pictures of trees, he would get food, but he wouldn't get food pecking any of the other pictures. That's pretty cool, but not shocking. They decided to step it up a notch. They showed the pigeon pictures of artwork, and he learned that pecking paintings by Picasso would get him food, while paintings by Monet would not. What in the world??
I was sitting there watching this with my jaw to the floor with the rest of my class, and I was thinking about Genesis. God gave us dominion over all the animals and He blessed us, not them (Gen 1:28). If these creatures that He didn't even bless are capable of these ridiculous things, imagine what we can do! We were created to have relationship with Him, and that is what we have! The sky is the limit for us. What a blessing that is! I was just overcome with that this morning.
I was also overcome when, on my way to school this morning, I found that somehow a bird has managed to poop INSIDE my car.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
got dolly?
Today, I've been working on getting my fundraising letters sent out regarding my summer at SMS STP 2011!! You've probably heard me talk about this, probably too much, probably loudly and obnoxiously and excitedly, but last summer I went to a summer training program with the Navs and it was SO WONDERFUL. We lived in Pigeon Forge, worked at Dollywood (which I feel is now my home away from home), and studied the Bible, to say the least. Before I went, I had this pretty big disdain for Pigeon Forge, which most Knoxville natives could easily understand. Obnoxious. I couldn't believe I was going to be living there for 8 whole weeks or that I was going to be working at Dollywood, and I was embarrassed to tell people that I was doing it. I felt God pushing me to go, however, so I went, and I can honestly say that it was the best decision I've ever made in my entire life.
It would be impossible for me to explain what exactly was so great about STP, but I can say that because the program was set up to be a "spiritual greenhouse," as they like to call it, the opportunities to spend in the Word were just abounding. So much of our lives were focused on imitating Christ and encouraging one another to do so. There were aspects of life during those 8 weeks that were hard- weekly evangelism, living with 12 people in close quarters, not having any good friends there going in, and various other things that many of you have heard about that I will not disclose here.
Ultimately, it was a summer of GROWTH. God spoke to me through so many blessings and hardships and Scriptures and experiences, and I can truly say that I experienced transformation over the summer (that and Dollywood are a reason I am now obsessed with butterflies). I loved it. I loved the people there, I loved my job, I loved learned to love spending time in the Word, and in the end, I loved Pigeon Forge.
AND I GET TO GO BACK!!!!!
I'm going back as a team leader, a pretty sweet, exciting, and scary position to be filling. Team leaders lead a team (obviously) of 3 or 4 guys or gals and lead them in Bible study, one-to-one weekly meetings, and encourage and challenge them spiritually throughout the summer. I have been praying about it this past year, and I have seen that God has not closed the door to this opportunity, but has left it wide open. That is super exciting and nerve wracking for me! The devil has been hard at work, shooting arrows of doubt and diminished self-worth my way, but I know that the Lord prevails EVERY TIME and that He can do a mighty work through even the weakest little sheep.
God is great. He will do work. He's already doing work. It is awesome.
I. am. so. excited. for. this. summer.
It would be impossible for me to explain what exactly was so great about STP, but I can say that because the program was set up to be a "spiritual greenhouse," as they like to call it, the opportunities to spend in the Word were just abounding. So much of our lives were focused on imitating Christ and encouraging one another to do so. There were aspects of life during those 8 weeks that were hard- weekly evangelism, living with 12 people in close quarters, not having any good friends there going in, and various other things that many of you have heard about that I will not disclose here.
Ultimately, it was a summer of GROWTH. God spoke to me through so many blessings and hardships and Scriptures and experiences, and I can truly say that I experienced transformation over the summer (that and Dollywood are a reason I am now obsessed with butterflies). I loved it. I loved the people there, I loved my job, I loved learned to love spending time in the Word, and in the end, I loved Pigeon Forge.
AND I GET TO GO BACK!!!!!
I'm going back as a team leader, a pretty sweet, exciting, and scary position to be filling. Team leaders lead a team (obviously) of 3 or 4 guys or gals and lead them in Bible study, one-to-one weekly meetings, and encourage and challenge them spiritually throughout the summer. I have been praying about it this past year, and I have seen that God has not closed the door to this opportunity, but has left it wide open. That is super exciting and nerve wracking for me! The devil has been hard at work, shooting arrows of doubt and diminished self-worth my way, but I know that the Lord prevails EVERY TIME and that He can do a mighty work through even the weakest little sheep.
God is great. He will do work. He's already doing work. It is awesome.
I. am. so. excited. for. this. summer.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
free
My one class for the day was cancelled. My day was completely free. Molly and I hung out in a hammock. I listened to music. I ate free food. I read the Bible. legit day.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
indubitably.
Can I just talk about something that makes my life better? Getting to be part of the Nav freshmen girls' Bible study on Tuesday nights. I am not a freshman, but I love those gals. We have been going through Galatians (along with all of the UT Navigators) and I have just absolutely loved talking about, observing, questioning, and studying this Word with those women. We have great fun and great talks and it is indubitably a highlight of my week. And soon we will have a princess party.
Our topic of study last night? Galatians 5. I think this may be one of my favorite chapters of the book. I wanted to talk about a few things from our conversation that have really been in my mind recently.
1. Faith and love. "For in Christ, neither circumcision nor uncircumcision counts for anything, but faith expressing itself through love." (verse 6) When I asked what faith expressing itself through love might look like in our daily lives, I was thinking about how we could show our faith to others by loving them. I think that's pretty swell, but definitely not all there is to it! One of the girls, (shout out to HP, what what!) mentioned that it's also about expressing faith in God by loving Him, and doing good works because we love Him and have faith that He is good and He is God.
too. legit. to. quit.
In our study of Galatians, we have definitely learned that it's not about following the law, but it's about our faith in God. That doesn't mean, however, that we should not do what God says is good just because that's not what it's about. It's about loving God! It has really made me evaluate why I do the "good" things that I do, and I want to make sure that my love for God is what my faith is expressed through, not my love for myself or for things that are good.
2. Lump leavening. "You were running well. Who hindered you from obeying the truth? This persuasion is not from him who calls you. A little leaven leavens the whole lump." (verses 7-9) This was a particularly fun one to get to the bottom of because we don't talk a lot about lumps being leavened in our every day lives at the University of Tennessee. We learned (through 1 Cor 5:6-8) that we want to rid ourselves of the old leaven and become a "new lump" of unleavened dough, since that's why Christ died for us! Paul is asking the Galatians, "What happened to you? Who is tripping you up? A little leaven leavens the whole lump!" Basically, even a smidgen of bad can spread throughout our whole lives to make us lose sight of the goal. A question I had was, What is leavening your lump? What are you letting slide in your daily life, in your relationship with God or others, or in your actions, that is affecting or has the potential to affect all other areas of your life? (in a negative way). I'm still working on this one. Definitely valuable to consider.
3. Freedom. "But you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another." (verse 13) How can we use the fact that we are free to love and serve one another? Because we have this ridiculous freedom in Christ, we have the ability to love and serve the people around us in ways that we couldn't if we were still enslaved. How can we appreciate and use that freedom in the way we are able to love the people in our lives? There is something special about the way we can love, because we have a great reason to love. and that reason is Love.
And of course, the fruits of the Spirit- love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. Against such things there is no law.
Let us keep in step with the Spirit!
Our topic of study last night? Galatians 5. I think this may be one of my favorite chapters of the book. I wanted to talk about a few things from our conversation that have really been in my mind recently.
1. Faith and love. "For in Christ, neither circumcision nor uncircumcision counts for anything, but faith expressing itself through love." (verse 6) When I asked what faith expressing itself through love might look like in our daily lives, I was thinking about how we could show our faith to others by loving them. I think that's pretty swell, but definitely not all there is to it! One of the girls, (shout out to HP, what what!) mentioned that it's also about expressing faith in God by loving Him, and doing good works because we love Him and have faith that He is good and He is God.
too. legit. to. quit.
In our study of Galatians, we have definitely learned that it's not about following the law, but it's about our faith in God. That doesn't mean, however, that we should not do what God says is good just because that's not what it's about. It's about loving God! It has really made me evaluate why I do the "good" things that I do, and I want to make sure that my love for God is what my faith is expressed through, not my love for myself or for things that are good.
2. Lump leavening. "You were running well. Who hindered you from obeying the truth? This persuasion is not from him who calls you. A little leaven leavens the whole lump." (verses 7-9) This was a particularly fun one to get to the bottom of because we don't talk a lot about lumps being leavened in our every day lives at the University of Tennessee. We learned (through 1 Cor 5:6-8) that we want to rid ourselves of the old leaven and become a "new lump" of unleavened dough, since that's why Christ died for us! Paul is asking the Galatians, "What happened to you? Who is tripping you up? A little leaven leavens the whole lump!" Basically, even a smidgen of bad can spread throughout our whole lives to make us lose sight of the goal. A question I had was, What is leavening your lump? What are you letting slide in your daily life, in your relationship with God or others, or in your actions, that is affecting or has the potential to affect all other areas of your life? (in a negative way). I'm still working on this one. Definitely valuable to consider.
3. Freedom. "But you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another." (verse 13) How can we use the fact that we are free to love and serve one another? Because we have this ridiculous freedom in Christ, we have the ability to love and serve the people around us in ways that we couldn't if we were still enslaved. How can we appreciate and use that freedom in the way we are able to love the people in our lives? There is something special about the way we can love, because we have a great reason to love. and that reason is Love.
And of course, the fruits of the Spirit- love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. Against such things there is no law.
Let us keep in step with the Spirit!
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
just so wrong.
So, still reading Mark. Isn't it funny that when we read the Bible, and it's a passage in which the disciples just really don't understand or say something really stupid to Jesus, we are just baffled at their ignorance and can't believe they are so dumb? Like we know better?! At least Jesus got in their faces when they were wrong and they realized it immediately! I, on the other hand, am very often wrong, but I go along thinking I'm very right for quite some time before Jesus gets in my face. That typically isn't a very pretty picture.
In Mark chapter 8, Jesus and His disciples are on a boat and the men start freaking out because they realize they've forgotten to bring food, and there is only one loaf of bread between them. I would think that's a pretty good reason to worry, typically. The only thing is, they had Jesus with them. So, worrying in general was probably just a pretty dumb idea. The even bigger deal, however, is that they had JUST seen Jesus provide for several thousand people on numerous occasions with very little food. Very recently, He had provided for 5,000 men (+ women and children) with only 12 loaves of bread and a few fish, and then on another occasion fed 4,000 with seven loaves and some fish. Yet, they were worried because there were twelve of them and one loaf of bread. Whatever would they do??
Again, story of my life. God provides, my cup is overflowing, all of my needs are met and then some. Along comes a bump in the road and I am at a loss at what I will do, this dilemma is so huge, and my life MUST be over. Again, I am forgetting that Jesus just fed a large bunch of people with a few pieces of bread.
In Mark chapter 8, Jesus and His disciples are on a boat and the men start freaking out because they realize they've forgotten to bring food, and there is only one loaf of bread between them. I would think that's a pretty good reason to worry, typically. The only thing is, they had Jesus with them. So, worrying in general was probably just a pretty dumb idea. The even bigger deal, however, is that they had JUST seen Jesus provide for several thousand people on numerous occasions with very little food. Very recently, He had provided for 5,000 men (+ women and children) with only 12 loaves of bread and a few fish, and then on another occasion fed 4,000 with seven loaves and some fish. Yet, they were worried because there were twelve of them and one loaf of bread. Whatever would they do??
Again, story of my life. God provides, my cup is overflowing, all of my needs are met and then some. Along comes a bump in the road and I am at a loss at what I will do, this dilemma is so huge, and my life MUST be over. Again, I am forgetting that Jesus just fed a large bunch of people with a few pieces of bread.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Talitha cumi.
I have been hanging out in Mark the past couple days, and it is sweeeeeet. There have been multiple times as I'm reading it that I'll find myself with my jaw dropped or mind blown or writing frantically, or all of the above. Usually all of the above. There have been a few things about it especially that I just cannot get over.
Christ came to heal the broken, and He did it by being with them. Definitely a motif for the book is, "He took him/her by the hand..." I went through and underlined, and 10 times throughout the book Jesus heals people by taking them by the hand, or laying his hands on them, or (my favorite) "taking them in His arms." Not only does Jesus go and hang out with the sinners, tax collectors, diseased, disabled, and even DEAD people, but He loves them and reaches out to them physically to show His love and bring healing. I think that is so great. And now, just like He did then, regardless of how messed up or sinful or sick or broken we are, Jesus continually takes us by the hand and loves us. DON'T YOU JUST LOVE HIM? I mean, you can't really get better than that!
One of my favorite instances in which He does this is in chapter 5. Jairus, one of the rulers of the synagogue, had come to Jesus to beg him to save the life of his sick little girl. As Jesus headed there, a woman in the crowd who had been bleeding for 12 years reached out in faith to touch the hem of His robes, knowing that even that little contact with Him would heal her. It did. Feeling the power go out of Him, Jesus stopped to find out who had touched His garments and then bless her for her faith.
Meanwhile, Jairus's daughter had died, and a guy came to tell Jesus not to bother coming to heal her, but Jesus went anyway. Amidst the wailing and sorrow of her parents and mockery from people who thought he was crazy, "taking her by the hand He said to her, 'Talitha cumi,' which means, 'Little girl, I say to you, arise.'" And then she just DID.
I read that passage and knew that God was speaking those same words to me. It was actually a pretty eerie moment. How many times have I heard Him say, "Little girl, I say to you, arise"? I can't count the times! What is the point of living my life aside from the fact that Jesus has taken me by the hand and healed me, raised me up, so that I can truly LIVE? This is the kind of thing that makes me want to yell loudly! It is just so full of good.
There are so many other great things I've taken away from Mark, so this definitely isn't the end of my marveling and you probably will hear more about this in the future. But just think about that. Jesus isn't afraid to take us by the hand or into His arms, no matter how gross, messy, blind, broken, or dead we may be. He lavishes us with personal love on the regular.
Goodness me! I love it!
Christ came to heal the broken, and He did it by being with them. Definitely a motif for the book is, "He took him/her by the hand..." I went through and underlined, and 10 times throughout the book Jesus heals people by taking them by the hand, or laying his hands on them, or (my favorite) "taking them in His arms." Not only does Jesus go and hang out with the sinners, tax collectors, diseased, disabled, and even DEAD people, but He loves them and reaches out to them physically to show His love and bring healing. I think that is so great. And now, just like He did then, regardless of how messed up or sinful or sick or broken we are, Jesus continually takes us by the hand and loves us. DON'T YOU JUST LOVE HIM? I mean, you can't really get better than that!
One of my favorite instances in which He does this is in chapter 5. Jairus, one of the rulers of the synagogue, had come to Jesus to beg him to save the life of his sick little girl. As Jesus headed there, a woman in the crowd who had been bleeding for 12 years reached out in faith to touch the hem of His robes, knowing that even that little contact with Him would heal her. It did. Feeling the power go out of Him, Jesus stopped to find out who had touched His garments and then bless her for her faith.
Meanwhile, Jairus's daughter had died, and a guy came to tell Jesus not to bother coming to heal her, but Jesus went anyway. Amidst the wailing and sorrow of her parents and mockery from people who thought he was crazy, "taking her by the hand He said to her, 'Talitha cumi,' which means, 'Little girl, I say to you, arise.'" And then she just DID.
I read that passage and knew that God was speaking those same words to me. It was actually a pretty eerie moment. How many times have I heard Him say, "Little girl, I say to you, arise"? I can't count the times! What is the point of living my life aside from the fact that Jesus has taken me by the hand and healed me, raised me up, so that I can truly LIVE? This is the kind of thing that makes me want to yell loudly! It is just so full of good.
There are so many other great things I've taken away from Mark, so this definitely isn't the end of my marveling and you probably will hear more about this in the future. But just think about that. Jesus isn't afraid to take us by the hand or into His arms, no matter how gross, messy, blind, broken, or dead we may be. He lavishes us with personal love on the regular.
Goodness me! I love it!
Sunday, April 10, 2011
promise?
Tonight I was driving in my car on the way to Walgreens, singing loudly with my roommate, windows rolled down, music turned way up, and there was a split second when I had this amazing picture of what God has done in so many people's hearts even in just the past semester. I love having short, unexpected moments like that with God where He's like, oh hey I'm going to hit you in the face with My power and glory and love when you least expect it. So that was tonight.
I've been thinking lately a lot about His promises, especially the ones where He promises to do work when we try to do work for Him. I get so excited when I think about how much I want to influence people for Christ around me and then I am hit hard with Satan's arrows. You are just Kathryn. You are kind of loud and a little too much for some people. You know God, but how can you expect to help others to know God? You will try to show others this God that you know, but you will fail.
Creepy, right? It actually pisses me off that the devil's lies can seep into even the extremely positive areas of my life, even into my relationship with God, and I just believe them! I would love to be able to say that once I remember God's truths and promises, the devil is done forever and I never have to deal with him again, but I can't. What I can say, though, is that God trumps him every time. And that is sweet.
God trumps him with stuff like this,
"For as the rain and snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall be my word that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it." Isaiah 55:10-11
and this,
"Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee." James 4:7
and this,
"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him." James 1:5
I can't always wrap my mind around these promises, but I claim them. I believe in them. I've seen them carried out and I trust that that will never change. legit.
To bring it all back together, satan is also trumped when I think about how much God has done in my life and in the lives around me. It is beautiful and full of light.
Friday, April 8, 2011
climb every mountain.
Last night at Navs, we talked about faith. My story with God has involved a lot of me questioning my faith. I worked with a woman named Sharon at Dollywood last year who talked to me about her faith- she was ridiculously strong and had a life so full of struggles and pain that at times I felt overwhelmed just hearing her stories. I really loved her and shed a few tears over her hardships, and I couldn't believe everything she had gone through, but she had faith. Sharon questioned absolutely nothing about God's plan. She didn't understand why her life had to be so hard but she was ok with that. I was blown away by our conversations on the topic. Sharon was a huge inspiration for me. I wish I could say that have a similar story, blindly trusting God even when life hurts and I don't know why. That's not the case.
I don't know what gets me, probably the fact that part of me feels like God and Jesus are too good to be true, but I often struggle with my faith in the power or even existence of God. I kind of went through a stage in which I quit trying in my relationship with God and therefore my feelings of closeness with Him lessened, my faith in Him weakened, and I ended up losing it completely. The sweet thing about God is that He never loses faith.
"...if we are faithless, He remains faithful- for He cannot deny Himself." 2 Timothy 2:13
If God is unchanging and continually faithful, I can trust that even if my faith is the size of a mustard seed, He will use it to move a mountain.
I have seen God use even tiny bits of faith to change hearts and lives completely. I love that God does not need us to tell the world about His grace, but He uses us to do it anyway, often when we aren't trying at all. It is literally nothing of us, completely from Him, and we are just tools He uses to bring glory to His name. Dennis said something pretty legit last night- "God doesn't save us just so that we will stop sinning or be perfect. He saves us so that we can bring glory to Him."
We've been studying Galatians and I have been shocked to discover how similar I am to the Pharisees and can even relate to them. Paul was a man with faith abounding, literally changing everything about his life because of how much he believed in the power of Christ. I am more of a rule follower. Read the Bible, check. Have a good quiet time, check. Have a spiritual conversation with someone, check.
None of these are things that are going to bring me "more" salvation. Obviously, I know this, but I don't really think I live it.
Faith is what brings us salvation. Faith is what moves mountains. Faith is what changes lives. Nothing that I can do will EVER achieve anything of these things, and THAT is reason to rejoice.
(another reason I am currently rejoicing- I am listening to the Sound of Music soundtrack.)
I don't know what gets me, probably the fact that part of me feels like God and Jesus are too good to be true, but I often struggle with my faith in the power or even existence of God. I kind of went through a stage in which I quit trying in my relationship with God and therefore my feelings of closeness with Him lessened, my faith in Him weakened, and I ended up losing it completely. The sweet thing about God is that He never loses faith.
"...if we are faithless, He remains faithful- for He cannot deny Himself." 2 Timothy 2:13
If God is unchanging and continually faithful, I can trust that even if my faith is the size of a mustard seed, He will use it to move a mountain.
I have seen God use even tiny bits of faith to change hearts and lives completely. I love that God does not need us to tell the world about His grace, but He uses us to do it anyway, often when we aren't trying at all. It is literally nothing of us, completely from Him, and we are just tools He uses to bring glory to His name. Dennis said something pretty legit last night- "God doesn't save us just so that we will stop sinning or be perfect. He saves us so that we can bring glory to Him."
We've been studying Galatians and I have been shocked to discover how similar I am to the Pharisees and can even relate to them. Paul was a man with faith abounding, literally changing everything about his life because of how much he believed in the power of Christ. I am more of a rule follower. Read the Bible, check. Have a good quiet time, check. Have a spiritual conversation with someone, check.
None of these are things that are going to bring me "more" salvation. Obviously, I know this, but I don't really think I live it.
Faith is what brings us salvation. Faith is what moves mountains. Faith is what changes lives. Nothing that I can do will EVER achieve anything of these things, and THAT is reason to rejoice.
(another reason I am currently rejoicing- I am listening to the Sound of Music soundtrack.)
Thursday, April 7, 2011
My cup overflows.
This morning as I got out of bed, I was overwhelmed with the realization of how much the Lord has blessed me. First of all, in just accepting and claiming the truth that God is faithful, His mercies never come to an end, they are new every morning (Lam 3:22-3). I mean, this is TRUE. Literally, it is morning, and I know that I am covered by His love. I experience His mercies and grace on a daily basis. I'm sitting here listening to my roommate sing loudly to Justin Bieber in her room as she's getting ready for the day, and I realize how much I love my life. That may seem like a silly reason, but that is where I find God's love and grace. In the fact that He loves us enough to forgo giving us what we deserve and instead lavishes His grace upon us in the huge and small things. And how great is it that He knows exactly what can make my day? I love it.
You may have noticed that I claim to be a sheep. I love that God gives us so many examples of what we can relate to His relationship with us. The picture of being the sheep of His hand (Ps. 95), with Him as my Shepherd (Ps. 23) is one that I particularly connect with and strive to actualize in my life. I want to be a sheep, blindly following my Shepherd, trusting in Him. I also find great comfort in knowing that even if all 99 of the other sheep on are track, He will still come back to get me when I go the wrong way, for His love is that great for me (Luke 15, Isaiah 53). I can see the ways in which He has been my Shepherd, making me lie down in green pastures (not brown- I'm allergic to hay), and leading me beside still waters instead of dangerous, whirpooly white water (I'm not the best swimmer). Not only does He keep me from danger and dissatisfaction, but He goes above and beyond, filling up my cup and then some.
I would try to sit here and describe all of the things and people God has put in my life that are making my cup spill over, but I honestly don't think I could actually put it into words.
I'm thankful that God created me to be His child, to be in relationship with Him, and because He loves me. I'm also thankful for this...
You may have noticed that I claim to be a sheep. I love that God gives us so many examples of what we can relate to His relationship with us. The picture of being the sheep of His hand (Ps. 95), with Him as my Shepherd (Ps. 23) is one that I particularly connect with and strive to actualize in my life. I want to be a sheep, blindly following my Shepherd, trusting in Him. I also find great comfort in knowing that even if all 99 of the other sheep on are track, He will still come back to get me when I go the wrong way, for His love is that great for me (Luke 15, Isaiah 53). I can see the ways in which He has been my Shepherd, making me lie down in green pastures (not brown- I'm allergic to hay), and leading me beside still waters instead of dangerous, whirpooly white water (I'm not the best swimmer). Not only does He keep me from danger and dissatisfaction, but He goes above and beyond, filling up my cup and then some.
I would try to sit here and describe all of the things and people God has put in my life that are making my cup spill over, but I honestly don't think I could actually put it into words.
I'm thankful that God created me to be His child, to be in relationship with Him, and because He loves me. I'm also thankful for this...
"The Lord is my Shepherd; I have all that I need." Psalm 23:1
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
blegh.
I'm sick. My throat feels like a small band of termites are playing the spoons and tap dancing all up and down it. Sounds fun, but it's actually not quite the party it seems like. So, that's a downside.
Upside, I can walk. Training for a half marathon, I messed up a tendon in the arch of my foot, and I went from high intensity exercising every day to wearing a boot and hobbling around for two weeks. While I was injured, I sat and thought about what God could be teaching me through my immobility. Usually, I'd think the lesson here would be that God is breaking me so I have to slow down and listen to what He's saying, or take time to rest and be still, but I didn't feel like that was my lesson. I realized through a conversation with my friend Pamela that maybe God wasn't breaking me to break me, but to heal me. I always talk about how I believe in God's ultimate authority, how He has a plan and He could make the world stop turning if He wanted, but I don't think I actually believed that He could heal my foot. I "trusted" in God's plan for my life down to the minute, but was more focused on what I could do to heal myself, instead of relying on and believing in Him. He decided He would do it anyway. I went from being unable to walk on Friday to walking all around Cades Cove on Saturday morning, no pain at all in my foot.
Miraculous, really.
So it was a great weekend, camping with the gals, walking and biking and feeling no pain, beautiful weather- praise God for healing! All is well in Kathryn's world. Except that part of what made the weekend so beautiful was the plants and pollen. Sunday night, I get sick. Monday afternoon- asthma attack in the middle of class. That hasn't happened since I was about 12 years old. Talk about a set back! Tuesday- lay on the couch all day, fuzzy brained, blowing my nose, filling my body with medicine and coffee and watching copious amounts of Law & Order: SVU (with Stabler the babeler). Seriously, God? Why can't a girl catch a break?!
The thing is, I've actually realized that I'm back to the same place I was with my foot. God can make the sun stop shining, create new life inside Pamela Teten's body, and hold the mountains in the palm of His hand, but I find myself unable to believe that He'll make my respiratory problems go away. Wrong. and ridiculous.
If I were God, I would seriously take my privileges away. It's like I never learn.
"I have loved you with an everlasting love. Therefore, I have continued my faithfulness to you." Jeremiah 31:3
Upside, I can walk. Training for a half marathon, I messed up a tendon in the arch of my foot, and I went from high intensity exercising every day to wearing a boot and hobbling around for two weeks. While I was injured, I sat and thought about what God could be teaching me through my immobility. Usually, I'd think the lesson here would be that God is breaking me so I have to slow down and listen to what He's saying, or take time to rest and be still, but I didn't feel like that was my lesson. I realized through a conversation with my friend Pamela that maybe God wasn't breaking me to break me, but to heal me. I always talk about how I believe in God's ultimate authority, how He has a plan and He could make the world stop turning if He wanted, but I don't think I actually believed that He could heal my foot. I "trusted" in God's plan for my life down to the minute, but was more focused on what I could do to heal myself, instead of relying on and believing in Him. He decided He would do it anyway. I went from being unable to walk on Friday to walking all around Cades Cove on Saturday morning, no pain at all in my foot.
Miraculous, really.
So it was a great weekend, camping with the gals, walking and biking and feeling no pain, beautiful weather- praise God for healing! All is well in Kathryn's world. Except that part of what made the weekend so beautiful was the plants and pollen. Sunday night, I get sick. Monday afternoon- asthma attack in the middle of class. That hasn't happened since I was about 12 years old. Talk about a set back! Tuesday- lay on the couch all day, fuzzy brained, blowing my nose, filling my body with medicine and coffee and watching copious amounts of Law & Order: SVU (with Stabler the babeler). Seriously, God? Why can't a girl catch a break?!
The thing is, I've actually realized that I'm back to the same place I was with my foot. God can make the sun stop shining, create new life inside Pamela Teten's body, and hold the mountains in the palm of His hand, but I find myself unable to believe that He'll make my respiratory problems go away. Wrong. and ridiculous.
If I were God, I would seriously take my privileges away. It's like I never learn.
"I have loved you with an everlasting love. Therefore, I have continued my faithfulness to you." Jeremiah 31:3
Friday, April 1, 2011
it's legit.
So I have this part of my life that I want to write down. Actually, it's not just part- it's the whole thing. It's the reason I live and breathe, the reason I am filled with overflowing joy that brings light into every area of my life. It's this thing where, I am the daughter of the King, a daughter of promise, and I am lavished upon with love on the regular. So that's what I think I'll do, and then I'll tell my mom to go check out my blog sometime.
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