I'm sick. My throat feels like a small band of termites are playing the spoons and tap dancing all up and down it. Sounds fun, but it's actually not quite the party it seems like. So, that's a downside.
Upside, I can walk. Training for a half marathon, I messed up a tendon in the arch of my foot, and I went from high intensity exercising every day to wearing a boot and hobbling around for two weeks. While I was injured, I sat and thought about what God could be teaching me through my immobility. Usually, I'd think the lesson here would be that God is breaking me so I have to slow down and listen to what He's saying, or take time to rest and be still, but I didn't feel like that was my lesson. I realized through a conversation with my friend Pamela that maybe God wasn't breaking me to break me, but to heal me. I always talk about how I believe in God's ultimate authority, how He has a plan and He could make the world stop turning if He wanted, but I don't think I actually believed that He could heal my foot. I "trusted" in God's plan for my life down to the minute, but was more focused on what I could do to heal myself, instead of relying on and believing in Him. He decided He would do it anyway. I went from being unable to walk on Friday to walking all around Cades Cove on Saturday morning, no pain at all in my foot.
So it was a great weekend, camping with the gals, walking and biking and feeling no pain, beautiful weather- praise God for healing! All is well in Kathryn's world. Except that part of what made the weekend so beautiful was the plants and pollen. Sunday night, I get sick. Monday afternoon- asthma attack in the middle of class. That hasn't happened since I was about 12 years old. Talk about a set back! Tuesday- lay on the couch all day, fuzzy brained, blowing my nose, filling my body with medicine and coffee and watching copious amounts of Law & Order: SVU (with Stabler the babeler). Seriously, God? Why can't a girl catch a break?!
The thing is, I've actually realized that I'm back to the same place I was with my foot. God can make the sun stop shining, create new life inside Pamela Teten's body, and hold the mountains in the palm of His hand, but I find myself unable to believe that He'll make my respiratory problems go away. Wrong. and ridiculous.
If I were God, I would seriously take my privileges away. It's like I never learn.
"I have loved you with an everlasting love. Therefore, I have continued my faithfulness to you." Jeremiah 31:3