Organization is not one of my spiritual gifts, I'm here to tell you.
Friday, May 27, 2011
packing.
Let me tell you, packing for ten weeks is kind of a big deal. For some reason I've been procrastinating, and I'm starting to get overwhelmed. I had to take off my cardigan. Yeah, it's that serious. I've been going for about three hours now, and I have a deadline in an hour, so I gotta move! But of course, here I am, procrastinating even more by telling y'all how overwhelmed I am. It's a vicious cycle.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
a hammock, isaiah 55, and sufjan
"6 Seek the Lord while he may be found;
call upon him while he is near;
7 let the wicked forsake his way,
and the unrighteous man his thoughts;
let him return to the Lord, that he may have compassion on him,
and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.
8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
10 For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven
and do not return there but water the earth,
making it bring forth and sprout,
giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater,
11 so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth;
it shall not return to me empty,
but it shall accomplish that which I purpose,
and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.
12 For you shall go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and the hills before you
shall break forth into singing,
and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.
13 Instead of the thorn shall come up the cypress;
instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle;
and it shall make a name for the Lord,
an everlasting sign that shall not be cut off."
call upon him while he is near;
7 let the wicked forsake his way,
and the unrighteous man his thoughts;
let him return to the Lord, that he may have compassion on him,
and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.
8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
10 For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven
and do not return there but water the earth,
making it bring forth and sprout,
giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater,
11 so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth;
it shall not return to me empty,
but it shall accomplish that which I purpose,
and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.
12 For you shall go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and the hills before you
shall break forth into singing,
and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.
13 Instead of the thorn shall come up the cypress;
instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle;
and it shall make a name for the Lord,
an everlasting sign that shall not be cut off."
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
philippians two: three
Well, I am leaving for the summer the day after tomorrow. HOLY TOLEDO! I am not ready! I have so much stuff to do before I leave on Friday (I'm going to Chattanooga for the weekend and then straight to Knoxville and on to Pigeon Forge on Monday!) I have so much unpacking, packing, organizing, list making, creating, and planning to do, I don't know how I will ever get it done! It amazing to think that this time has come, and I couldn't be happier or more hopeful/excited about what is in store for this summer.
I've been imagining what this summer would look like for so many months, and it seems like God has different plans than what I have been banking on. THAT excites me. Any time I try to plan out what a certain adventure or experience is going to be like, God throws me a fast one and makes it completely different- sometimes easier, sometimes harder, but always incomparably BETTER than I ever could have thought up on my own, and I know that He will do the same for the next two months.
It's comforting for me to know that whatever hardships I face this summer will be part of God's plan. Whatever hilariously fun times will be a part of God's plan. Whatever struggles, tears, laughter, relationships, pain, and joy I experience will all be part of His plan, and I have the choice to lean on Him through all of it, or depend on myself. Right now it's easy for me to say, of course I will choose to lean on Him. If you love me, please pray for me that this summer I will choose to lean on Him, follow Him, take joy in His plans, and love in the way that Christ shows me to love. A big verse I've been thinking about is Philippians 2:3...
"Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves."
I am just here to tell you, that is like, THE hardest thing to do! Jean Piaget, one of the major child cognitive development theorists and someone I have spent a lot of time studying in school, says that in the preoperational stage, when children are between the ages of 2-7, they are completely ego-centric. This doesn't mean that they have a huge ego (and don't even get me started on Freud). It means that they can't take others' perspectives. Everything a child experiences during these ages is seen as it relates to him. If something is hard for him, he expects it is hard for everyone else. If it makes him mad, it most assuredly must make everyone else mad, too. Sometimes I am convinced that I am stuck in the preoperational stage. How often do I even try to understand what is going on in other people's lives, minds, or hearts? Not very. It's a joke between my friends that I always say, "I can't relate. I can't relate to them, so I don't understand them."
What a poor outlook on life.
I've prayed a lot for my team this summer, but my prayer for myself is that I will learn how to count others more significant than myself. I want to get out of the preoperational stage and move on! I want to be someone who can listen, understand, encourage, challenge, exhort, and help others to train in righteousness! The Word of the Lord is profitable for all of these things (or so I'm told in 2 Timothy) and I am definitely equipped with that! Prayer is key.
I've been imagining what this summer would look like for so many months, and it seems like God has different plans than what I have been banking on. THAT excites me. Any time I try to plan out what a certain adventure or experience is going to be like, God throws me a fast one and makes it completely different- sometimes easier, sometimes harder, but always incomparably BETTER than I ever could have thought up on my own, and I know that He will do the same for the next two months.
It's comforting for me to know that whatever hardships I face this summer will be part of God's plan. Whatever hilariously fun times will be a part of God's plan. Whatever struggles, tears, laughter, relationships, pain, and joy I experience will all be part of His plan, and I have the choice to lean on Him through all of it, or depend on myself. Right now it's easy for me to say, of course I will choose to lean on Him. If you love me, please pray for me that this summer I will choose to lean on Him, follow Him, take joy in His plans, and love in the way that Christ shows me to love. A big verse I've been thinking about is Philippians 2:3...
"Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves."
I am just here to tell you, that is like, THE hardest thing to do! Jean Piaget, one of the major child cognitive development theorists and someone I have spent a lot of time studying in school, says that in the preoperational stage, when children are between the ages of 2-7, they are completely ego-centric. This doesn't mean that they have a huge ego (and don't even get me started on Freud). It means that they can't take others' perspectives. Everything a child experiences during these ages is seen as it relates to him. If something is hard for him, he expects it is hard for everyone else. If it makes him mad, it most assuredly must make everyone else mad, too. Sometimes I am convinced that I am stuck in the preoperational stage. How often do I even try to understand what is going on in other people's lives, minds, or hearts? Not very. It's a joke between my friends that I always say, "I can't relate. I can't relate to them, so I don't understand them."
What a poor outlook on life.
I've prayed a lot for my team this summer, but my prayer for myself is that I will learn how to count others more significant than myself. I want to get out of the preoperational stage and move on! I want to be someone who can listen, understand, encourage, challenge, exhort, and help others to train in righteousness! The Word of the Lord is profitable for all of these things (or so I'm told in 2 Timothy) and I am definitely equipped with that! Prayer is key.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
chillaxin.
Summa summa summa tiime.
I am not engaged. I feel like everybody else is. What's that about?
Disclaimer: I don't want to be engaged.
I love being home. I love chillin' out, maxin', relaxin' with my mom and sister all day, and we have done some serious chilling. My sweet Mama has taken off work for this week that my sister and I are both home, and we've got three dogs, lots of shopping, cooking, Prison Break, and Gold's gym to keep us busy. It's been great (although FREEZING, what is this, winter??), and I am really enjoying spending time doing a lot of chill nothing before I get ready to be going a mile a minute in just two short weeks. God's got me in a season of waiting, as usual, but I am so thankful that my life is so joyful and fun while I am waiting. Sometimes I worry that I spend so much time in seasons of waiting that I forget that I'm living in that waiting. Even though I'm not doing a lot of anything, I am appreciating my living. Living is so cool.
Friday, May 13, 2011
FREEEDOOOMMMM!!! (kind of like braveheart...)
I am DONE with school for a good little bit, and now on to bigger and better things! I am so excited about my summer, and even more excited for what God is going to be doing in a lot of people's lives this summer. I can't WAIT to get to Pigeon Forge and get going in the groove of things as a team leader at STP! I am definitely preparing myself for one of the hardest summers of my life, but I trust that God is good and He wants the best for me, so I am ready to take on anything He throws my way (with His help, of course).
Yesterday I had one of those moments where I was hanging out with God and I got super excited about who He is. Usually when these things happen, I feel like I'm going to burst, and weigh my options about the social acceptableness of me breaking out into song. I was sitting in Starbucks and there were several high school students around me studying for their finals, so I resisted. But I worshipped God in my heart for sure. Take time to think back on just the last nine months of your life. What did you see God do in your life, or in the lives of people you love? I was reflecting on my junior year of college, and God is just so huge and so good and so great, I will never EVER deserve His love! There is nothing I will ever do that will justify His love for me, but I know that He will never stop loving me either, and that's apparent in my life. Some names for God that were really sticking out to me were:
Yesterday I had one of those moments where I was hanging out with God and I got super excited about who He is. Usually when these things happen, I feel like I'm going to burst, and weigh my options about the social acceptableness of me breaking out into song. I was sitting in Starbucks and there were several high school students around me studying for their finals, so I resisted. But I worshipped God in my heart for sure. Take time to think back on just the last nine months of your life. What did you see God do in your life, or in the lives of people you love? I was reflecting on my junior year of college, and God is just so huge and so good and so great, I will never EVER deserve His love! There is nothing I will ever do that will justify His love for me, but I know that He will never stop loving me either, and that's apparent in my life. Some names for God that were really sticking out to me were:
Father
Friend
Teacher
Healer
Planner
Keeper
Giver
Lover
Shepherd
King
Being a child of God is such a special thing. "Such knowledge is too wonderful for me. It is high; I cannot attain it." Psalm 139:6
I'm home, and I love it. I've got my Millie and my mom and dad and my sleeping late but still being productive. And I have time to get ready for STP! Yesterday I worked on making some stuff for my team, whoever they might be!
I made them some headbands. I think they're pretty cute. I am really praying for these girls. I'm praying for closeness, vulnerability, teachability, laughter, love, and friendship for my team as a whole. I'm praying for transformation, growth, and truly an experience of who God is for each girl individually.
Please join in me doing the same!
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
You got me from the get go...
Studying for finals. One test down, two to go, and some more stuff. This is the music in my head. I love Michael Castro. This song reminds me of...
Galatians 2:20
I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me, and the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave Himself for me.
Monday, May 2, 2011
I kissed dating goodbye...
So, last week was my birthday, and in the midst of all the weather and stress I wasn't able to think about something that came to a close on that day. For the past 9 months I've been doing something that a lot of people probably think is rather weird, but I "haven't been dating." Whenever I explain this to people, I always mention that I probably wouldn't have dated anyone anyway, which is true, but I think the biggest part of it is that I also haven't been focusing on potentially dating or wanting to date someone, etc.
As a Christian girl in the South, there is kind of a lot of pressure to find someone to marry! I'm 22 years old, and I've spent much of my college career looking for a man that I could start dating so that after a few years we could get engaged and then after a few months we could get married and live happily ever after. I haven't been successful in that quest. I would say that contentment in singleness is something that 93% of girls in my station in life struggle with, and understandably so. I decided, when I came home from STP last summer, that I really did not need to be focusing on guys. The Lord has so much of His work for us to do, and stressing over boys did not tie into me living my life for God. So, one day approximately 9 months ago, He and I decided that I would focus on what it means that I am the bride of Christ and that THAT very fact is enough for me to be more than content for the rest of my life.
When I decided this, back in July, I admit that I didn't actually think that anything would come of it. As usual for me, I thought I knew in advance what God would teach me. I didn't believe that He would actually change my heart through this, but He totally did. I LOVE when that happens.
There were a few verses that I memorized on the topic:
Isaiah 54:5 "For your Maker is your Husband, the Lord of hosts is His name, the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth He is called."
Isaiah 61:10 "I will greatly rejoice in the Lord; my soul shall exult in my God, for He has clothed me with the garments of salvation; He has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself as a priest with a beautiful headdress, and as a bride adorns herself with jewels."
Psalm 73:26 "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
And then like, all of Psalm 139- I just memorized the whole thing! It's such a good one.
Well, a few months in, I realized that God did change me, and He was doing a work in me, and I found myself content with my life. If He is God of the whole earth, the Maker of everything including me and every part of me, then I should say that He knows how to be the lover of my soul better than any human man could ever do! He is my strength and my portion forever. My nine months is up, and I'm actually kind of sad about it. I think the next step for me would now actually be to get to where I would be ok with letting someone into my life to date! My relationship with God this year has been full of ups and downs, but ultimately, my Maker is my Husband and I am a-o-k with that. Who knows what this next year will bring, but I know that I don't need anyone besides the Lord to tell me that I am beautiful, worthy, loved, precious, and created EXACTLY the way I was supposed to be. God is so good- let Him change your heart!
As a Christian girl in the South, there is kind of a lot of pressure to find someone to marry! I'm 22 years old, and I've spent much of my college career looking for a man that I could start dating so that after a few years we could get engaged and then after a few months we could get married and live happily ever after. I haven't been successful in that quest. I would say that contentment in singleness is something that 93% of girls in my station in life struggle with, and understandably so. I decided, when I came home from STP last summer, that I really did not need to be focusing on guys. The Lord has so much of His work for us to do, and stressing over boys did not tie into me living my life for God. So, one day approximately 9 months ago, He and I decided that I would focus on what it means that I am the bride of Christ and that THAT very fact is enough for me to be more than content for the rest of my life.
When I decided this, back in July, I admit that I didn't actually think that anything would come of it. As usual for me, I thought I knew in advance what God would teach me. I didn't believe that He would actually change my heart through this, but He totally did. I LOVE when that happens.
There were a few verses that I memorized on the topic:
Isaiah 54:5 "For your Maker is your Husband, the Lord of hosts is His name, the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth He is called."
Isaiah 61:10 "I will greatly rejoice in the Lord; my soul shall exult in my God, for He has clothed me with the garments of salvation; He has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself as a priest with a beautiful headdress, and as a bride adorns herself with jewels."
Psalm 73:26 "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
And then like, all of Psalm 139- I just memorized the whole thing! It's such a good one.
Well, a few months in, I realized that God did change me, and He was doing a work in me, and I found myself content with my life. If He is God of the whole earth, the Maker of everything including me and every part of me, then I should say that He knows how to be the lover of my soul better than any human man could ever do! He is my strength and my portion forever. My nine months is up, and I'm actually kind of sad about it. I think the next step for me would now actually be to get to where I would be ok with letting someone into my life to date! My relationship with God this year has been full of ups and downs, but ultimately, my Maker is my Husband and I am a-o-k with that. Who knows what this next year will bring, but I know that I don't need anyone besides the Lord to tell me that I am beautiful, worthy, loved, precious, and created EXACTLY the way I was supposed to be. God is so good- let Him change your heart!
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