So, last week was my birthday, and in the midst of all the weather and stress I wasn't able to think about something that came to a close on that day. For the past 9 months I've been doing something that a lot of people probably think is rather weird, but I "haven't been dating." Whenever I explain this to people, I always mention that I probably wouldn't have dated anyone anyway, which is true, but I think the biggest part of it is that I also haven't been focusing on potentially dating or wanting to date someone, etc.
As a Christian girl in the South, there is kind of a lot of pressure to find someone to marry! I'm 22 years old, and I've spent much of my college career looking for a man that I could start dating so that after a few years we could get engaged and then after a few months we could get married and live happily ever after. I haven't been successful in that quest. I would say that contentment in singleness is something that 93% of girls in my station in life struggle with, and understandably so. I decided, when I came home from STP last summer, that I really did not need to be focusing on guys. The Lord has so much of His work for us to do, and stressing over boys did not tie into me living my life for God. So, one day approximately 9 months ago, He and I decided that I would focus on what it means that I am the bride of Christ and that THAT very fact is enough for me to be more than content for the rest of my life.
When I decided this, back in July, I admit that I didn't actually think that anything would come of it. As usual for me, I thought I knew in advance what God would teach me. I didn't believe that He would actually change my heart through this, but He totally did. I LOVE when that happens.
There were a few verses that I memorized on the topic:
Isaiah 54:5 "For your Maker is your Husband, the Lord of hosts is His name, the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth He is called."
Isaiah 61:10 "I will greatly rejoice in the Lord; my soul shall exult in my God, for He has clothed me with the garments of salvation; He has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself as a priest with a beautiful headdress, and as a bride adorns herself with jewels."
Psalm 73:26 "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
And then like, all of Psalm 139- I just memorized the whole thing! It's such a good one.
Well, a few months in, I realized that God did change me, and He was doing a work in me, and I found myself content with my life. If He is God of the whole earth, the Maker of everything including me and every part of me, then I should say that He knows how to be the lover of my soul better than any human man could ever do! He is my strength and my portion forever. My nine months is up, and I'm actually kind of sad about it. I think the next step for me would now actually be to get to where I would be ok with letting someone into my life to date! My relationship with God this year has been full of ups and downs, but ultimately, my Maker is my Husband and I am a-o-k with that. Who knows what this next year will bring, but I know that I don't need anyone besides the Lord to tell me that I am beautiful, worthy, loved, precious, and created EXACTLY the way I was supposed to be. God is so good- let Him change your heart!