Jesus loves the little children...

It's been a hard few days for my family.  My cousin Dylan, who is now ten, was diagnosed with brain cancer five years ago.  For the last five years he has been battling tumors that have taken over his body in several places, and he has been a victor on numerous occassions.  No one could have imagined he would have smashed this cancer so many times, for such a long time. He is such a champ.  He's had it rougher than most people have in 80 years of living, and he is a little boy.  If you met Dylan, though, you wouldn't see a little boy with cancer.  You would see a hilarious, strong, high energy, fun loving brother, son, and cousin who loves Ben 10.  So many times I've sat and watched him wrestle with my brother (who is 24) for long periods of time, only stopping because Stuart is too tired.  The kid is tough.
Yesterday, Dylan's family (also my family) found out after a long week of seizures and hospitalization that the tumors have covered his brain and the situation is very bad- worse than it has ever been.  After such a long battle, it's heartbreaking to hear this.   I don't know everything about the situation, but I do know they are beginning some palliative radiation, to at least bring him some comfort.  Everyone is very sad- the doctors and my family- in a way that is more serious than ever before.  I pray for Dylan. I pray for Dylan so hard, so so so hard- that the Lord would heal him, that he would be comforted, that he would be strong. I love him and he is my cousin, but I can't imagine how my aunt and uncle feel, how his brother, Chandler feels... how Dylan feels.  I've been hanging on to this passage lately:
"Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God.  Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.' And He took them in His arms and blessed them, laying His hands on them."         Mark 10:14-16
Even in this heartbreaking time, I rejoice in knowing that the Jesus who took the little children in His arms and blessed them is the same Jesus who is doing that now.  My prayer is that he would take Dylan, and our whole family, into his arms and bless us.  I trust that He is all powerful, but more importantly, that He is good, whatever His will may be.  I know that His love for all of His children has conquered death, and that is the only hope we can cling to, in any and every season.

discipline: my new bff

So it's August 31st, and I can confidently say that the Lord has used the month of August to show me more discipline than ever before in my 23 years of living. At first, I didn't realize what was happening. I just thought, wow, this component of my life sucks! Without going into detail about what exactly has gone on, I will say that I've just experienced some trying situations in which the Lord has really tested me. It's like He has been saying to me, "Ok, Kath, so what is it that's really important to you? Is it getting what you want, or serving Me, loving Me, and loving others?" While I would like to say my life is about serving the Lord because I LOVE HIM and can see His goodness so regularly, it gets really real when you don't get something that you want and can't understand why. I was talking with Pamela about this seemingly impossible situation and she suggested I read Hebrews 12. So we read it together. Talk about a whammy of a passage:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2 looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

How the heck am I supposed to run with endurance the race that is set before me when there's all this earthly crap that I want weighing me down? That's where the discipline comes in- when God says, "Ok, you don't get to have any of that crap, anyway. I'll make you lighter."

Then it talks about how God disciplines us because He is our Father and He loves us.

...He disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness.11 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

Ok, so he makes us more like Him by disciplining us. Oh wait, so that means that discipline is a privilege??? Heck yes it is! It is proof that God loves you! So I came to two conclusions:

1. I complain way too much, am embarrassingly dramatic and ridiculously self-centered. None of this was new information.

2. If you are ever experiencing anything in life that is unpleasant, you truly can rejoice in your trials. Not because it says we are supposed to in the Bible, but because it means that you aren't getting what you want and that is called DISCIPLINE!!! And discipline is proof that the God of the universe loves you and cares enough about you to give you opportunities to become more like Him.

Get out of here! This is great!

a summer without Dolly...

This is the first summer in three years that I have not been at STP.  Somehow this is a huge relief and slightly heartbreaking at the same time.  My summers with the Navigators have shaped me, refined me, given me such joy and many obstacles to overcome, and the Lord has been faithful through it all.  Through my time working at Dollywood, I learned that even if a job is boring, monotonous, hot, sweaty, and overall not fun, the Lord can use it, and He can also use me in it.  I found that the people I worked with had their own lives and problems, and God provided opportunities for me to step into their lives for a season and form actual, lasting relationships.  Relationships that involved prayer, encouragement, hugs, and love. That is something I had never experienced in the five years I worked at a restaurant before going to a summer training program.  I've said that STPs have changed my life, and a mission I have been given is to serve and honor God in every position I'm put in, especially wherever I end up working.  Then the actual job came.
As I started work as a server at a restaurant here in Knoxville a few weeks ago, I found myself slipping into my "server Kathryn" persona, the girl who had never gone to a summer training program, never engaged in deep, spiritual relationships with co-workers, and never really worked to glorify God and not herself. My conversations with people at work mostly involved listening to their complaints about tables, other servers, managers, and not much else. I found that I wasn't seeking to get to know these people, or even go to the effort to learn their names. Around this time, the summer training program was beginning in the Forge and I was finding myself feeling weird and sad that I wasn't there, that I didn't have something filling up my time all day every day, that I wasn't going to spend the summer making new friends and studying the Word with them, and that I wasn't going to be working at Dollywood.  During a quiet time before work one day, I realized that this summer really is going to be different, and that's the way God intended it to be. BUT it doesn't have to be any less rewarding, refining, and intentional than any other summer I've had in the Forge.
I've resolved to make a change. To be myself while I'm working (a follower of Christ, a weird, quirky person, a joyful woman of God, etc.), to study the Bible, to spend time in prayer, to make this summer count for something. for the Lord. for eternity! FOR FREEDOM!!!!
and so... yeah.
Ask me about it sometime.

spit and mud.

We're studying John this year with the Nav Bible studies, and last night with the sophomore ladies we talked about John 9.  In this chapter, Jesus heals a man born blind by spitting in the dirt and rubbing the mud on the man's eyes. He told the man to go wash in the pool of Siloam, and he did so and came back seeing.  There are so many components of this chapter that are really interesting to talk about (yet another miracle he performed on the Sabbath, the Pharisees' blindness in comparison to the man, Jesus' attention given to yet another person usually ignored by society), but my main take aways were from the things that the man did in response to Jesus.
First, I think it's really cool that Jesus gave the man a choice.  He could have snapped his fingers and healed the man right there, but instead he put the mud on his face and then told the man to do something in response, wash in the pool.  I can see a reflection of my personal relationship with Christ in this interaction.  Jesus is there, willing to do wondrous things in my life, but I have the choice to follow him or stay sitting where I am.  The man was blessed because of what Jesus did for him and because of his own willingness to trust Jesus and his plan.  Often, God blesses me even when I choose not to follow, which is indescribably good.  However, there is an irrefutable difference in my life from when I am walking with the Lord on a daily basis and when I am not.
Another aspect of this passage that I found challenging is towards the end of the chapter, an interaction between the man and Jesus.
JC: "Do you believe in the Son of Man?"
Man: "Who is he, sir? Tell me so that I may believe in him."
JC: You have now seen him, in fact, he is the one speaking with you."
Then, in verse 38, it says "Then the man said, 'Lord, I believe,' and he worshiped him."
This formerly blind man saw the things Jesus did and heard who He was, and simple as that, he worshiped Him for it.  This just really challenged me to do the same in my life.  Mary pointed out at Bible study what it must have been like to see Jesus face to face and worship Him, and what it would be like in our next time of corporate worship if we imagined He was standing right there at the front of the room.  The reality is that He will be there, because He has promised that to us in Matthew 18:20- "Wherever two or three are gathered in my Name, there am I among them."
How exciting is that?

thank goodness I remembered my password.

I recently saw that Mary Catherine and Stephanie have updated their blogs in the past semester, and Kirsten said that I haven't updated mine since July, which is definitely true.  God has been talking to me pretty much nonstop lately, and maybe it would be a good time to write it down. So I might do that again.

blessed!

I wish I could explain everything that I feel about this STP experience as a team leader, but that would be impossible and you would be reading this blog for a really long time. That said, I'll try to give y'all an idea of what my life has been looking like this summer!
I am not a schedule follower.  I used to be a big time list maker, but now I feel like I'd rather just do stuff rather than write it down before doing it.  This summer has turned me into a major league schedule follower. Every week, I need to fit in work, Bible study prep (upwards of 7 hours a week!), 1 to 1's with the three ladies on my team, our team's Bible study, a 1 to 1 with my staff person, team leader Bible study, and many hours of training and meals with the other team leaders. I also have to sleep!  This is the busiest I have ever consistently been in my life, but it has been amazing!  I love how God calls us to be productive and do work for Him, and He has provided me with this wonderful opportunity to do so!  I am exhausted, but it is a sort of exhaustion that is full and glad.  My time with my team and the other folks here is just so rewarding and fulfilling, and it has been truly amazing to see the ways God has answered prayers, given me energy, and brought my team together.  I am so thankful for the women on my team, and for the other team leaders and students here that are such a support and encouragement to me.  My work situation has been really difficult, but God has placed wonderful, encouraging people in my path this summer to help me to see the ways I can rejoice even in my suffering and strife.
I never thought being a team leader would be so hard! But it's a good kind of hard!  I've completely loved spending time with my team, really getting to know these women, and encouraging them in their walks with the Lord.  Actually the hardest thing about the summer has been making myself get time alone to prepare Bible study and have some Kathryn time.  I love all the people here so much that it's hard for me to say "no!" when folks want to go to Sonic for happy hour or forgo a game of Banana grams so that I can be alone to keep my sanity.
We have three weeks left, and I really covet your prayers as my team continues to live life together and grow in our relationships with God and each other.  Some of the girls on my team have had a cool opportunity to potentially hang out with a girl they work with, so I'm praying that would turn into a ministry opportunity for them!  It has been really neat to see them grow in a desire to share the Lord with the people around them. I LOVE IT! Pray for all of us!
Thank you all so much for your prayers and support. I am so blessed!!

A bit late...

Whoops, it's been a while since I've been able to update! Clearly, I've been very busy indeed, and the internet at the Hot Pig (which is what we call Hotel Pigeon Forge) is not necessarily up to par. I've a rough past couple days, so I thought I would list some things that have been encouraging or funny lately.

1. An old man called me "Granny" yesterday as I was leaving Dollywood in an attempt to cheer me up.

2. In my endeavors babysitting for the Hamiltons (some folks on staff with the Navs) I discovered the hard way that changing a baby boy's diaper is a skill and a warzone, and you have to be ready for anything that comes your way. Literally.

3. We had a square dance in a hot gym with little AC, and I was wearing way too many clothes, but I found that if I am sweating in any situation, the boys around me are sweating exponentially more.

4. I have learned that the treasure I have laid up for me with Christ is always going to be more encouraging than however discouraging a mean woman who may or may not work with me at Dollywood can be.

5. My team is so cool. We are women who are learning to love one another and care for and pray for one another. I have found that I can tell them when I am sad or discouraged and I don't have to have it all together because I am their leader. I had a rough day yesterday and I told them about it and they pointed me towards the Scripture.  We have had hard conversations and good conversations and we have laughed so very much, and the Lord is just so at work on our relationships. He is answering prayers on top of prayers that I have for these women and our team, and it is sweet to experience.

6. Another old man at Dollywood told me that I have "beautiful eyes" and that I should always wear my blue dress to match them.  Unfortunately, it is the 21st century, and I will not be wearing my blue dress outside of Dollywood often.

7. My parents are great and have sent me two cards with dogs on them, and various other things. People at the program probably think that I am unstable because I always cry when I receive these in the mail.

8. God has answered some prayers for me, like, INSTANTANEOUSLY. Seriously.

9. The people that I worked with last year really miss me this summer, and have told me multiple times how much they wish I was still working with them at Miss Lillian's (I am at another restaurant in Dollywood this year).  It makes me really sad when they tell me this, and of course I usually cry, but it is really encouraging to know that I was able to impact them and I know it was Christ in me, and not anything that I did, necessarily.  That gives me hope for my work situation this year.

10.  I have discovered a new game, Banana Grams, and I am good at it. And that makes me happy. I love words.

And that is the end!